You know it’s all going wrong, when your baby has just dozed off in your arms after finishing his bottle, you lift him up to burp him and he covers you both in vomit.
After changing you both back in to pjs as they are the closest thing to grab, you leave the baby now wide awake, sat on his blanket, whilst you put the slimy, vomit covered garments in the laundry bin. You then pick up your smiley little cherub and notice his back is a bit warm and damp. Turn him over and oh joy, he’s done one of those special poos that defys gravity and has managed to fly up his back, to his shoulderblades!
So onto outfit change number two in less than ten minutes. Meanwhile in the bathroom your five year old, who was getting meant to be getting dressed is now naked and clearly in sync with his younger brother, as he’s positioned himself on his Thomas toilet seat. Legs a swingin he is chatting away and says, ‘Mummy would you like to come and watch me do a poo!’. This is a common request.
I politely decline the invite and explain I’m just going to try and get his baby brother off to sleep.
So i’m back in the armchair, gently rocking the baby back in to a slumber, when through the gap in the door, two butt cheeks start reversing in to the room. In a shouty whisper my five year old asks, ‘Mummy, have I got all the poo off my cheeky bum bum?’
Sleeping baby’s eyes snap open and he cranes his head round to take a good look!
It is at this point you realise that you have two options.
1) admit defeat, you’re never going to get baby to take his morning nap. So you may as well stay at home in a blurry haze of poo, vomit and kiddy chaos, breathing in the stale air of your messy home that has fallen victim to a toy explosion over the bank holiday weekend.
2) continue with your original plans for the day, aim to get both children and yourself properly dressed and out of the house at some point in the next two hours. In order to feel fresh air and mingle with other humans. All the while conscious that today you’ve been hit with the shit stick and there is a good chance you’ll spend a lot of time in various baby changing rooms between wandering aimlessly around the shops trying to remember why you wanted to go out!
It’s just one of those days!